Archive for September, 2014

September 7, 2014

The Montreal Canadiens Should Sign Martin Brodeur

by Jacob Saltiel
martin brodeur

Legend.

According to this TSN report, possible best goaltender of all time, Martin Brodeur, would sign a contract to play for the Montreal Canadiens. While many Habs fans and commentators will immediately dismiss this article as a report on the forlorn longings of a past-it athlete, the Canadiens would be shrewd to sign Martin Brodeur.

The counterarguments to signing Brodeur are numerous and persuasive. Three are as follows:

1) The Habs already have a back-up goaltender controversy logjam, with everyone’s favourite teammate, Peter Budaj, scrapping it out for the right to ride the pine against everyone’s favourite playoff wildcard, Dustin Tokarski.

2) Martin Brodeur sucks. The Devils might have made the playoffs last year if they hadn’t split goalie starts equally between Brodeur and Corey Schneider.

3) Martin Brodeur is fat.

The Canadiens, though, shouldn’t sign Brodeur to improve their team. No, the Canadiens should sign Brodeur for one simple reason; Revenge.

For his entire career, Brodeur has talked openly about loving to play against his boyhood team, and he sure played like he loved it. Never mind that for large parts of his career, the Canadiens were as terrible as he is fat now. Brodeur came home to raucous crowds and slowly strangled the home crowd’s enthusiasm from behind his black and red wall of trapping defenders. Did he ever apologize? Did he ever suggest remorse for a .930 save percentage and 1.87 GAA against the fans that nurtured him from infancy to fun-destroying hockey royalty?

And now the old goat goes mumbling these sorts of things through his agency*:

“If the Canadiens made me an offer, it goes without saying that I would listen to what they have to offer me,” the Montreal native told QMI.

“This is Carey Price‘s team. I would definitely still want to be the No. 1 goalie, but it wouldn’t bother me to play in only 20 to 25 games during the season if I know I’ll have fun playing within a winning team.”

Oh, what? Now that the only thing he can keep out of his net is a plate of chicken wings in any type of hot sauce you can name he wants in? Like hell he’s getting 20-25 games here, and he will certainly not be playing for a winning team if he’s starting 20-25 games.

Rather, Brodeur’s role should not be starting any games, and that’s exactly how Marc Bergevin can take revenge. It’s simple, really:

1) Sign Brodeur to Contract.

2) Never play him.

3) Cater the pressbox with a buffet consisting entirely of brussel sprouts.

4) Put a video camera on him at all times in the pressbox.

5) Sell the 6 hour video of Brodeur’s greatest eye rolls and gallant ventures towards the buffet table.

Look, sure it costs a roster spot, but the Habs can afford this. It is often said that revenge is a dish best served cold. In this case, revenge is best served steamed with a dash of salt, and nothing else.

Eat up, Martin.

 

*Quotation from the report quoted above. Link: http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=461028

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